


pour toujours

by troubled



Series: hard reset [4]
Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Age Reversal, Alternate Reality, Multi, Older Shim Changmin, Stupidly Artsy TBH, Younger Jung Yunho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-14 22:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17516813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/troubled/pseuds/troubled
Summary: love is a four letter word.it's like walking across a tightrope. the only way to go is down.





	pour toujours

 

Siwon always knows when Yunho is hurting. He doesn't need to see it to know Yunho's heart bleeds, clots and scars in miliseconds. Rinse, repeat as cameras roll and Changmin's cutting words are drowned by too-wide smiles and Heechul cracking up another joke to steal the spotlight away. Siwon reaches out, tries to squeeze Yunho's fingers because _it's okay; that's just how Changmin deals_ but he finds them so tightly clenched he has no way of breaking through heart guarded by teeth and nails. It's terrifying because Yunho isn't designed to wall everything inside. No one is.

So Siwon leans closer, sits with his thigh pressed against Yunho's and whispers jokes so cheesy only Yunho will laugh at them. Yunho does laugh, a startling sound, and Changmin realises a second too late, stares at them a second too long to be nonchalant.

Yunho smiles at Siwon, crooked in all the wrong places.

 

*

 

There's a system in a breakdown. There will be variables, some constant some ever-changing. And then there will be the catalyst. Siwon thinks ivory keys and sleek, polished wood suit Yunho, who is hunched over the baby grand at one corner of their studio, piano scores scattered on his lap in a careless spill of yellowing papers. Siwon watches as Yunho's fingers flutter through hesitant notes, teeth biting cherry-red indents on his lips.

The variables might be million little things about Yunho.

The catalyst might be that split-second glance Yunho throws at Siwon, that embarrassed half-grin.

Siwon tries to talk himself out of it, all the five steps it takes to reach Yunho. Because it's crazy and wrong and _it's Yunho what are you doing._ But he tilts Yunho's face, steals a kiss between too-loud heartbeats and dark eyelashes on bone-white cheeks.

Yunho doesn't taste like sunshine and caramel, like sugar-spun innocence on Sunday mornings. Like Siwon would've imagined, if he'd kissed the younger man much much earlier. Yunho is now too much self-deprecation wrapped in restless sleeps, broken lullabies on scratched vinyls and Siwon maybe finds it heartbreakingbeautiful _perfect_. The world doesn't crash and burn around them like he thought it would so he leans further, presses closer with blasphemous words screaming at the back of his mind.

Yunho's lips burn a trail of hellfires across Siwon's cheek, his word sharper than the pounding of nails when he breathes, " _Please_."

 

*

 

"He doesn't love you." Changmin doesn't begin with a _hi_ or a _how are you_. He looks at Siwon with unsmiling mouth and moonlight paints his eyes a curious shade of gunmetal. "He doesn't know how."

Siwon falters and he nearly forgets that Yunho is waiting in his room. "What?"

"You can't make him happy, you know," Changmin says like it's a fact.

"I can try." _Even if I fail_ , Siwon wants to add, but doesn't. "If it's for him."

Changmin's jaw clenches. There's an underlying bitterness in his voice when he repeats _Yunho doesn't love you_ and the knowledge that it's true makes Siwon curl his fingers around the glass of water.

"It doesn't matter. I'll love him enough for us both."

 

*

  
Changmin likes talking about the (ridiculous) things Yunho said and the (more ridiculous) things he did. He goes to interviews and variety shows and shares with the world about Yunho, because he finds it amusing how they are always hungry for more. Their questions verge on intrusive, their smiles predatory. Changmin thinks of alligators when he sees them and wonders if they would've eaten Yunho alive if he lets them. Kyuhyun and Siwon share exasperated looks ( _again, Chwang, really?_ ) While Heechul grins serrated-sharp and nods and plays along. _A little boy with his favourite toy_ , Heechul's expression says and they don't tell him to stop. They know he won't listen anyway.

So Changmin tells the cameras;  
  
He sings loudly early in the morning.  
  
He dances in front of stuffed toys.  
  
He is always too energetic, too serious. Too much.  
  
That relentless, exhausting maknae of the group’s ( _mine_ ).  
  
The world laughs and Changmin laughs along with them. And sometimes if Yunho is in the same shows, he laughs with Changmin too. He’ll look at Changmin with his bright, bright eyes and Changmin can almost hear the words behind that wide, embarrassed grin ( _but that's just how I am, hyung, I don't know how to be someone else_ ). Yunho fidgets when he's told to stand next to Changmin, parts of their bodies touching and Changmin's arm around Yunho's neck. Pictures are taken, articles written. The fans love to comment on how much Changmin dotes on Yunho, how he is so fond of his maknae that he never fails to mention Yunho during his guest appearances. But then they step outside of the spotlight. The cameras switch off and Yunho pulls away. Into the arms of someone else.  
  
Changmin doesn't forget that he'd broken Yunho's heart. Maybe too many times to count.  
  
But he can't let go. Yunho is his, will always be. 

 

*

 

"Hyung."  
  
Changmin is patient and when he peels away layers of fabrics, he counts the flickers of fear in Yunho's eyes. His chest clenches tight, but he doesn't stop. It's been an entire lifetime since he's been allowed to touch Yunho in ways he truly wants, but Siwon and Kyuhyun and Heechul are away, and there's no one Yunho can escape to. He soon finds smooth, warm skin and presses his hands against the outline of ribs, tracing each bone with his fingertips.  
  
Yunho inhales, sharp and terrified and so very young, when Changmin's teeth scrapes the soft juncture between his neck and shoulder.  
  
"Hyung, _please_ -"  
  
"Sshh." Changmin wraps a hand over Yunho's trembling lips, hates to be interrupted. "Isn't this what you want?"

Yunho's breath hitches into a sob. Changmin shakes his head and licks salt from damp eyelashes.  
  
"Don't you trust me, Yunho-ah?" Changmin cradles that pretty neck. Their lips linger, slow and intimate. Just like old times. "Don't you love me anymore?"  
  
Yunho closes his eyes, body stretching taut under Changmin's. He's lost weight, Changmin's fingers count the knobs of his spine, and there's a fragility there that Changmin doesn't recognise. Not like it matters. He feels the vibrations when Yunho inhales, exhales. Their legs tangle around grey-and-white and he can't even remember why he'd let Yunho go before. Why he thought there's anything (anyone) better than this. Changmin leans over to grab the bottle of wine on his bedside table, pours the content over exposed collarbone. He watches tiny rivulets of liquid streak through creases in the skin, soaking into the bedding and turning everything into shades of red. He pours until the bottle is empty, until Yunho's shuddering is nothing more than tiny, aborted shivers.

"You're mine," Changmin mouths against Yunho's lips, digs his fingers into those wrists. Hard enough to leave bruises for others to see. His tongue dips to taste and Yunho arches underneath him, sharp curves everywhere. "Yunho. Yunho, _you're mine_."

 

*

 

**end**

 

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/voracyous) is where you can find my sorry ass talking shit.


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